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Addiction
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Title: Addiction

Pairing: GTOP

Genre: Angst, slight smut
Warnings: R to be safe I guess? + swearing
Type: One-shot
Wordcount: 2624
Disclaimer: I don't own Big Bang, just the story I wrote.
Summary: To tell the truth, Jiyong knew something even more addicting than smoking.

     A/N I'm new to LJ and this is my first ever attempt on fan fiction. English isn't my native tongue and it might contain some grammar mistakes ^^' 
   I've wanted to write a GTOP for so long and this is the idea that came to me. I know Jiyong doen't smoke anymore (right?) but I guess this kind of takes place when he did. I haven't really set a timeline for this. 

I wrote this quite a while ago honestly and  wasn't sure how I felt about it but decided I'd post it here after all.
   Constructive critisism is appreciated.


            

Jiyong remembers the first time he smoked a cigarette. It was at some party where a guy had offered him one when he had been caught staring. From the unspoken pressure by the others around him he took a breath.  First he hadn’t known how to even do it properly, until his friend advised him to breathe it in, all the way to the lungs. It had tasted nasty, and he had coughed for a while after. Then they made him take some more, and by the third blow he could feel the sudden sensation of a warmth spread in his lungs and fill his head with a relaxing foggy feeling. It was a new kind from all the stress relief he had never felt before, it felt like all his worries, even the deep ones, would, even if just for a while, be covered by a mist of heat and burning in your lungs and taste of smoke in your mouth. Later his friend had taken his cigarette back and laughed.

Jiyong became addicted to smoking from that day on.

His slender hands were made to hold that white stick, his lips blew with a learned and carefree motion the white smoke in a clean flow, and his body relaxed to the familiar and comforting touch of the nicotine in his lungs.

He leaned to the balcony railing and felt a cold breeze in his face, refreshing from the stifling air in the house were people drank and danced and laughed louder than they otherwise would.

Others would say smoking was his only flaw, harmful addiction that he had and needed to be saved from. 

A hand was lowered upon his resting on the railing. He didn’t need to look up to know whose it was. It was warm and strong.

To tell the truth, Jiyong knew something even more addicting than smoking.

“Wanna go to my place?” a voice said in his ear, so he would hear it over the noise from inside, that voice, low and familiar and comforting and it send a slight chill down his spine. Could’ve been the cold breeze. He was after all standing there without his jacket on.

Jiyong turned and looked into a pair of eyes he knew so well, and a face he could trace with his finger perfectly even if he was to become blind. So many times had he started into those eyes and looked at those features the image had slowly burned to the back of his eyelids.

His lips broke into a soft smile, and the man next to him lowered his head once again to his ear, not to say anything, but to gently place a small kiss on the earlobe poking out from the strains of blond hair, and then laugh a bit at him shivering. He was obviously a bit tipsy. The touch was slightly ticklish as his ears were probably already a bit red from freezing. And his cheeks. It was not the man next to him that made him warm in his cheeks and ears. It was the cold air.

Jiyong could smell the cigarette smoke coming from the man’s jacket. He had also been smoking. The scent made somehow the man even more attractive.

Yes, Jiyong knew something even more dangerous than smoking.

¨¨¨¨

Feelings that were unwanted, no not unwanted, unacceptable, were what made him confused and slightly awkward around the man now sitting next to him in the car. What worse, his friend was totally unaware of them. 

Of course he’d go to Seunghyun’s place. He could rarely say no to him anymore.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, just a bit tired from the party that’s all.” A smile.

“Yeah okay. You just seemed a bit quieter than normal. Usually when you’re drunk you get really happy and then we have to almost drag you out from the dance floor. You shouldn’t tease girls so much. With your dancing.” His laughter broke the silence in the car and Jiyong couldn’t help but laugh with him. Yes he knows he gets a bit carried away when he’s drunk, it’s almost a bit embarrassing. That’s why he didn’t drink that much this time. But Seunghyun seemed to be okay with it, so maybe… maybe it’s not so bad. After all.

No, the unwanted thoughts are getting in his head again. Jiyong wanted them gone and unwittingly even shook his head as if they’d drop out of his head if he did so.

“Seriously, you okay Ji? Why you shaking your head for? Do you have a headache?” His hand came to rest on Jiyong’s thigh while he studied Jiyong’s face. Jiyong tried to think of something else, but evidently his eyes were drawn to Seunghyun’s, and for a moment he felt a sudden ache in his chest. Seunghyun’s eyes were maybe the most beautiful eyes he’d ever seen, his mouth so perfect, his dimples when he smiled, and perfect hair, whatever the color or style. He’d seen it already for a long time, but Seunghyun being so close seemed to intensify everything that made Jiyong’s heart so helplessly confused.

Jiyong felt like kissing Seunghyun so bad, and the sudden urge made him flinch when Seunghyun came near, which then again made him look at Jiyong interrogative.

He tried to disguise it with a sudden grin and with “Oh what? Is my dancing provocative then, is that what you say?” and leading them back to the discussion before.

Seunghyun raised an eyebrow on Jiyong’s comment – oh god that eyebrow what the fuck is wrong with me – and then said in almost a serious tone: “Yeah. It’s way too provocative. Makes me all jealous and stuff.”

Then he broke into a grin himself and Jiyong knew it was one of his weird jokes again, but he couldn’t help but have a sharp intake of air at the remark.

This drive is taking fucking forever.

¨¨¨¨

Now they were at Seunghyun’s house. Seunghyun went into the kitchen and then poured a glass of wine to himself; Jiyong wonders why he wanted to go if he was going to drink more anyways. His hyung had this weird habit of drinking wine alone even when he’d be already tipsy. Still he never seemed to have any bad hangovers. Damn that man.

Jiyong felt awkward just sitting on the couch not talking, but Seunghyun didn’t seem to notice, and sat next to him happily. He switched on the TV and then offered a glass to Jiyong. Jiyong hesitated for a moment, but sitting there with him felt nice. And, even if for all the wrong reasons, he didn’t want it to stop.

Pretty soon Jiyong realized he was getting drunk as the alcohol made him all warm and fuzzy, not to talk about him making all these stupid and cute faces at his hyung trying to make him laugh, which was a success, as the older man was pretty drunk himself.

Oh, how Jiyong loved Seunghyun’s laughter. Even when intoxicated, he would still take the time to listen to it and follow the handsome features break into a grin every time he made some stupid joke about the person showing on TV.

Jiyong leaned on Seunghyun’s shoulder and then he felt the man nuzzle his head in his hair. Like a kid. The touch sent slight tingling sensations down his body. Then he let out an annoyed noise when Seunghyun placed another kiss in his cheek and grinned at him. Jiyong wished he wouldn’t act so stupid when he was drunk. He also felt a bit worried for obscenely taking advantage of the situation.

To have a secret crush on your bandmate, the fact that he loved being touchy with his friends at least gave some satisfaction, even if he would feel remorse in the morning. It’s okay. He would take what little was given him, his affection, his touch, his attention, and savoir it to be replayed in his dreams and thoughts when he was sitting outside smoking, working late at the studio, laying alone at nights. He would never tell, only smile and keep his emotions locked behind the fake exterior so that nothing would crumble the little bits of happiness he got. It’s okay. He was happy. Seunghyun was happy. And that is all but enough for him.

For he was addicted to those moments. He was addicted to him. Addicted like a smoker is addicted to his cigarette even when he knows it’s bad for him, but can’t do anything as one sensation leaves him craving for more.

And Jiyong had no intention of letting this addiction go.

Jiyong was irritated for making his mind wander into things he didn’t want to think about, and decided more wine would surely make them fade away. He lifted his head and searched for the bottle.

“Seunghyun, where’s the bottle?”

Seunghyun waved his hand as if he was too lazy to move anything else. “It’s there.”

“Gimme.”

“I’m not going to let you drink anymore. You look plastered.”

“You’ve drunk as much as I have.”

“But I’m used to drinking. I hold my liquor better.” He smiled as if this was some kind of personal victory for him. Jiyong didn’t care. He knew the man was right but he didn’t care.

So, totally ignoring Seunghyun’s comment, he lifted himself a bit up and stretched himself over Seunghyun to reach for the bottle on the other side of him. Unfortunately, Seunghyun had apparently decided to rise at the same time, which resulted in Jiyong’s head getting bumped in Seunghyun’s head and then falling quite ungracefully on top of him. Now, this could’ve alternatively ended up in Jiyong cursing or laughing at their clumsiness and then they would’ve continued as nothing happened.

But instead Jiyong had fallen on Seunghyun’s lap, his hand somehow trapped under him, resting near a specific area he didn’t want to think about as it was wrong, but because he was drunk and for some reason blessed with acting totally against his normal behavior in this state, he moves his hand, accidentally brushes Seunghyun’s crotch, and then for his horror realizes he himself is getting hard from the touch. And then he lets out a soft moan.

Fuck.

¨¨¨¨

Jiyong thought he’d get up quickly and maybe the older man hadn’t noticed anything, but instead he froze and couldn’t get himself to rise up. Partly blaming the alcohol, partly the irrational part of him, that liked the feeling too much to want the rational part of Jiyong take control.

He was waiting for the reaction. To his surprise, Seunghyun laughed.

“When you’re drunk enough to start throwing yourself on people, it’s time to stop.”

Jiyong lifted his head and looked at his hyung. Seunghyun lifted his hand started caressing Jiyong’s blond hair with a gentle touch that made Jiyong blush even harder.

This odd relationship with his hyung was making Jiyong seriously crazy. And the fact that Seunghyun didn’t even seem to notice anything made him even more miserable. The fact that he could sprawl himself over him like this with an, at least in Jiyong’s head, obvious hard-on (was he too drunk to not notice?) made Jiyong angry. Furious.

He rose up so that he was now awkwardly sitting on Seunghyun’s lap. The older man was looking at him questionably and probably expected this to be just a move to get to the side.

But instead, Jiyong now felt brave. Brave as in doing something he would only dream of doing but was now, tired and intoxicated, and honestly speaking quite turned on, suddenly brave enough to do. And as Seunghyun now stared at him, his hand frozen in the act of caressing Jiyong’s hair and about to ask what was going on, Jiyong took a firm grip of his head with each of his hands on the sides, and crushed his lips on Seunghyun’s.

¨¨¨¨¨

It was probably the most imperfect perfect kiss Jiyong had had in his life. As they clashed their teeth together in the messy kiss Jiyong felt all his unrequired feelings and wants burst out uncontrollably in his head. It was all desire and no technique but he could feel by the first touch and the shiver it brought him that this was something he had longed for, so long. His head was going blank.

There might’ve been a little voice gasping in horror somewhere there, but it was quickly silenced by the fact that oh my god I’m kissing Seunghyun and his lips are fucking perfection. 

He held his grip of Seunghyun’s head and was craving for more, his tongue sliding in between the older man’s surprised lips. Seunghyun wasn’t resisting at least for now, probably because he was drunk and just letting him do it. Or maybe he was okay with it? Jiyong couldn’t un-think the thought anymore and it also made him stupidly excited. And while Jiyong’s tongue was exploring the inside of Seunghyun’s mouth, his hips started slightly pressing down on Seunghyun’s lap, as in need for more contact.

The house was dark and silent, except from the sounds from the TV and its light illuminating Jiyong’s back. Though Jiyong had managed to surprise Seunghyun with his act, Jiyong could now feel him tensing up. When Jiyong left his lips, out of breath, he could hear his voice whisper the start of the sentence.

 “Ji…”

His low voice was breathed right into Jiyong’s ear as he had lowered his head into Seunghyun’s neck. The sound sent a bolt of arousal into Jiyong’s body, and he gripped Seunghyun’s shoulders and lowered him into the couch, him lying on top of the older man.

Now, for the first time since his abrupt kiss, Jiyong could see Seunghyun’s face clearly. He looked at him with wide eyes, confused, breathing heavily.

Does he understand?

“Ji, what are you doing?”

Would he understand my feelings?

“Hyung…” Jiyong let his hips grind into his, causing Seunghyun to take a sharp breath and grip at Jiyong’s hands.

“Hyung,” – using the honorific in the most shameless low voice ever- “do you…” – he lowered his head, lips hovering above Seunghyun’s, who had his eyes closed at the moment – “ever think-“ 

He was about to kiss him again when the abrupt sound of the doorbell had him snap his head up. This got Seunghyun also to move as he suddenly with surprising strength pushed Jiyong out of his way and sat up.

They both froze as in a pose for a scene, Jiyong sitting on the couch and Seunghyun standing next to it. He looked at Jiyong with an expression Jiyong hadn’t seen before. Another ring.

“Hey guys? Could I sleep with you tonight? I forgot my keys at home.” Seungri’s slightly slurred voice carried through the door. He apparently knew Jiyong was with Seunghyun.

“I know you’re still awake!”

Seunghyun stared at Jiyong for a second and then just bluntly turned around and left for his bedroom, leaving Jiyong on the couch to open the door for Seungri.

Jiyong sat up, swaying a bit, remembering he was drunk. He turned for the door, numb. His feet hit something, and when he stopped to glance at it – “Fuck, guys, I know you’re awake, I can hear the TV!” – he saw his pack of cigarettes, with his one last cigarette pointing out from the box, that “only bad habit” he had that Jiyong didn’t want to let go of.

He crushed it with his feet and kicked it out of his sight. Ironic. Seemed like a déjà vu or something of what happened just a moment ago.

Now he’ll have to go buy a new pack tomorrow.

Jiyong felt nothing.




  • 1
ah i liked it! you write well, especially considering that this is not your mother language. AND this is your first fic? waaah im so impressed. good job.

and i totally think ji still smokes. like... a LOT. but that's just me.

..kekeke..Ur not the only one that thinks JiYong still smoking..but I think now he smoke secretly =p

I am impressed wth this fic considering that this is ur first! pleaseee do write more! =DD

Yeah idk, I mean TOP was caught smoking in the filming of the Love Song MV. As it might be a good stress relief maybe Ji could still be doing it... I don't really care if he does or not tho :P

Thank you for commenting!

This is your first > Damn, it is really good. I would love to read a sequel of this story :)
Good job, keep going :)

I've marked it as a one-shot, but I originally planned to maybe make a sequel to it... since I left the ending so open. But we'll see.

Thank you for the nice comment! ^^

Are you sure this is your first?? Are you?? Cus if it is then WOW!!! I like it soooooo much <3333

And i think he still smokes too =D Not that im happy about it but anyway its his life ^.^ (and he looks hot doing it <33 lol =D)


Ohh... and i hope you made a sequel or something =D But this is your decision ^_^ If you`re doing it, im going to read it [[and falling in love with it.. lol]] for sure ^.~

Yeah, of course it would be better if he didn't, but I agree, he looks hot doing it >__<

Thank you for the nice comment, it means a lot to me, I'll use it as motivation to write more lol (and sequel, hmm well, might come in the future, you never know...) -^___^-

I know this is angst but... cockblock Ri! :)

I liked it, which is big since I normally shy/cringe away from GTOP.

Poor Ri seemed to be at the wrong place at the wrong time lol.
Thanks, I'm glad you liked it ^___^

Oh, please, you have to write a sequel! Please?

I loved this story. Is this your first fic? And english isn't your tongue either! I'm really impressed.

I really like the way you wrote about Jiyong's unreciprocated feelings. It's not easy to hide our feelings, mainly when you see that person all the time, when we feel the love growing stronger, if possible. But I don't know, I felt that Seung was teasing him. Was necessary to kiss him in the earlobe? Maybe he acts this way unaware, but I have no doubt that he was teasing him.

And Seung's reaction was really realistic. He didn't responded to the kiss, but he didn't refuse either. He was taken back, a little surprised, but I don't thing he hated this.

I'm wondering what would happen if Seung Ri had not come in that very moment.
Again, you have to write a sequel...
Thank you!

Yeah, I was trying to understand what Jiyong would've felt in his situation and what both of their actions would've been. I like going into details and bring out emotions like that when I'm writing (in this case especially when writing angst).

Thank you for your comment, that was really nice ;__;

This is so good, even if English was your first language. You don't seem to have any grammatical errors.

Thank you! I'm glad to hear from people who actually speak english as their mother tongue that it's good ^__^

Well written. I love how you elaborated.

Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it :)

Um I definitely think you should make this a two shot. Not only because I really liked it but I need to know more. Darn Ri, why does he have to cockblock the GTop that was happening.

"It was probably the most imperfect perfect kiss Jiyong had had in his life." The whole paragraph about their first kiss was so realistic. It was my favorite part. So awkward and clumsy but like a unexpected, drunken, kiss would be.

Thank you for your comment!
I really liked that line too, I wasn't sure about that part actually and I'm glad I managed to convey the feelings I wanted.

I'd actually thought about a sequel to this in the start because I kinda left the ending open didn't I? But we'll see what happens...

(Deleted comment)
I've been lurking around...

Thank you for commenting ^___^

Awwwwwwwwwwww come on how could you leave it there!! I wanna see them continue this convo!!! LOL XD

Yeah it would be a shame to just leave it like this...
Thank you for commenting!

Yeah, I have no beta reader, but I try and keep it good as possible.
I'm glad you like, and I love writing angst the most I think ^^
Thank you for commentning!

  • 1
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